Friday, September 12, 2014

What, This Old Thing?

When I got my job, my husband and I agreed that it would be a simple, part time gig.  Nothing hard, just show up for ten or so hours a week and go home.  Collect a paycheck that would help a little bit.

But, that snowballed into a job that had me frantically typing emails at 8pm, long after I'd stopped "working." 

Now, I accepted the (thank god) temporary upgrade in status that put me in the position of working after hours, but it has been a tough slog.  I have the unusual problem of going to work almost every day, but only for a very short time.  Thus, even though I feel like I am always there, I have to cram everything I need to do in the teensy timeslot that is my daughter's school schedule and I leave every day with things that still need finished.

I finally have my replacement coming in, and I finally feel a little bit of freedom.  My replacement hasn't fully taken over all the duties, but they will very shortly.  Instead of feeling let down that I will no longer be running things, I couldn't be happier that I will have some time to myself.

Things have deteriorated with my family, though, and I am pretty much only speaking to my grandparents and my Dad.  I began working in the beginning of June and my family just found out I am working two weeks ago.  It's tough with my Dad because he pretends like everything is fine, and because he doesn't bring up what I like to call "the big freeze" then I don't bring it up, either.

My life is actually better without people who actively try to screw with me, so I am certainly not looking to repair any relationships any time soon.  All I know is that because they are too proud to admit their mistakes and try to apologize for their behavior, they are missing out on two great kids. 

And by the time they figure out that they SHOULD try to make amends, it will most likely be too late.  My children will have moved on to bond with other mentors in their lives.  Which in a way makes me sad because my family should have been first and foremost among the influences in their lives, but a different path was chosen.  I feel zero guilt about it.

So, nothing to see here, really.  Just struggling being a part time worker and yet still a full time mother, because to my daughter, I am only gone from her one day out of the week when she isn't at school.  I honestly don't know how people work full time and still manage to get things done.  I can barely do it now, and I am certainly not full time. 

Maybe it will get better as time goes on.  Or maybe it will get worse.  Something's gotta break my way every once in a while, right?


Ted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ted said...

I hope something WILL break your way soon. Part-time jobs are rarely part-time. I mean, I have a so-called part-time job, but looking at my schedule, I only have one day off a week. How is that part-time? Then you add the freelance work, and often there goes the "day off."

Re: family...that's a tough one. You love them, but often you don't like them. I just hope that "The Big Freeze" thaws at some point and it's a big group hug between you and the fam.

J said...

I also hope things break your way, whatever that means at this time in your life. Ted and I have been lucky in that at most points, at least one of us is working an unconventional schedule, even if that means me working full time but from home. It gives a lot of flexibility, which is lovely because sometimes people have to cook and clean and do laundry and work and be there for their kids, blah blah blah.

Regarding family, it always makes me a little sad when we don't get along. However, when people are more work than they're worth, or when you find yourself simply disliking them, then it's time for you to take a break from them. Yes it sucks. No, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Maybe someday they'll come around. Maybe they won't.

Anvilcloud said...

Good to know that you are keeping on with life and managing in whatever way that we all do.

Nance said...

Being a grownup can be lousy sometimes. I hate when it is.

And it's awfully tough when toxic people turn out to be family. I lived through it, and it wasn't pretty. Zero guilt here, too, and ultimately, it was for the best all around. I hope your situation turns out differently, though. It's a rough way to have to go.