You Know You Wish You'd Thought of it First

Hubba-hubba:(cursing as he trips) What is with these laundry baskets all over the floor?

Me: Oh, those aren't just laundry baskets.

Hubba-hubba: They're not? They look like laundry baskets to me, being full of unfolded laundry and all.

Me: What you are actually looking at is a sophisticated yet inexpensive home security system.

Hubba-hubba: Ok, I'd like to hear about this "security system."

Me: Well, if a burglar were to try and enter our bedroom through the screen door, he would immediately be in trouble, because those two baskets right there form a pretty decent barrier. Then, even if he was able to get over those two without falling flat on his face, with mathematical precision I have triangulated the perfect position for the third basket, ensuring that he would step in it, thus twisting his ankle and giving us enough time to whap him over the head. Or hog-tie him, since he will already be conveniently sprawled out on the floor.

Hubba-hubba: You'll use any excuse not to fold the laundry, won't you?

Me: You'd better believe it.

Comments

Maya's Granny said…
Many years ago, there was a particularly cruel rapist breaking in in my part of town. I needed to sleep and I needed to feel safe, so I strung tin cans to all the doors and windows so that just touching them made them clatter. I also stacked empty pots and pans over some of the windows so that opening them would cause them to fall on your head. Not very elegant, but it worked until he was caught.
10:49 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Onward

The end of the school year, finally! Did I tell you that my son went to public school this past year? Did I tell you that my daughter was in a regular Kinder classroom this year? Although it was nice to have them both in school, there were definitely things I was not so hip on, such as having to wake up at 5:20 every morning just to get everyone out the door on time.  And then after all the driving and dropping off, going to work. Such fun! I had forgotten the dreariness of having to complete mounds and mounds of homework (even though new research has shown that homework, especially for Kinder, is for shit).  Of constant deadlines and fundraisers and things I am supposed to volunteer for. My daughter had a good year, but was definitely not without its bumps. Her teacher, an older, highly experienced, practical woman with a Master's in Education, kept referring to my daughter as an "inclusion student."  It wasn't her name or just "student" but was...
Read more

Apples and Oranges

Perhaps some of you may have noticed, but the real estate market is beginning a tumble in prices that benefit us, prospective buyers. And we're going to wait. That is cold, cold comfort to those such as J and Py , who are attempting to sell their place as we speak. But, we're not going to wait too much longer, if that makes them feel any better. There is no sense trying to time the bottom of the market, and we have been putting off moving, oh, since Mr. P was born because of the huge runup in prices. So huge that at one point, we could barely afford to buy our own place from ourselves. We should be ok even if we sell at a lower price than we could have gotten say, two years ago. We have, however, a dilemma. We have narrowed our choices down to two cities. And we are stuck there. We just can't figure out which city is better, and they are oh-so-different. Let me give you a rundown. City 1 Older, smaller houses (in our price range) Larger lots Beach city Infrastructure...
Read more

D-A-N-G

As with all young children, for a very long time we parents rely on the old "spell the word out" trick for talking about things in front of them that we don't want them to know. Well, our time seems just about up. Hubba-hubba was trying to tell me about an upcoming event in which Santa would be making an appearance. As Mr. P is very much into Christmas this year, we knew that any mention of Santa would bring a long soliliquoy about how Santa is magic and how he makes the toys and how he has a list and on and on and on. And at that moment, we just didn't feel like hearing it. Don't judge people, don't judge. So, Hubba-hubba spelled out "S-A-N-T-A." "Hey, what did you just say?" said the five year old. "Nothing" lied replied his father. "I know what you said, Daddy! You said Santa!" Anybody know a place that sells semaphore flags?
Read more