He Owes Me One, Or Maybe Even Two if You Think About It

 Well, the Celebration of Life went off with nary a hitch. My sister pushed back on the flowers, so I figured if she was that invested in not doing formal arrangements, so be it. I wasn't thrilled with how the flowers looked, but overall they were fine. My standards are probably too high for my own good. I was super lucky in choosing a really great caterer, and they did a beautiful set up, as well as the food being pretty delicious! My mother loved a high tea, so we went with a lot of things from a high tea menu, along with some of her favorite desserts. More than one person told me that the menu reminded them of times they spent with my mother and that was really very meaningful to me.  It is exactly why I went in that direction and I think it really paid off. 

Also, I know that the event really provided a sense of closure for my Dad.  I think this type of tribute to my Mom was something he had been wanting to do, and I am glad we were able to finally execute it.  We had about 45 people, and it was good for him to see a bunch of people he hadn't see in a a while (and some of them he had never met, same as me). I don't think he will see a lot of them again, most likely, but we were all able to come together, share memories of my Mom, and I think everyone walked away feeling a tiny bit lighter for it. 

Speaking of marriages, Monday will be our 24th wedding anniversary. I like to joke that really it's 34, because we were together for about 10 years before we tied the knot. It is hard to believe, and yet not hard at the same time, that we have been together for so long. 

I knew from very early on that my husband was The One. He didn't realize it for about a year, but then he was fully on board. Let's chalk it up to him being 22 or thereabouts. Except for one time in the beginning when he stupidly broke up with me because he was scared of something that was obviously A Thing, it's been really great. Have we had difficult times? Hell yes, we had a kid with special needs and two families that never helped, as well as them being fairly dysfunctional on my side and fully dysfunctional on his side. But I have never doubted that he is the perfect person for me, never doubted his love or loyalty or commitment, and I believe he would say the same about me. 

A more recently married couple we met asked us what the secret was to staying together so long. I started to say, oh, you have to be willing to compromise, blah blah blah. But then, I told them that honestly, it starts with choosing the right person. When you have the right person, every day is not a struggle, although there are days like that. But overall, you know that you are a team, you are in it together, and you have each other's backs no matter what. And that the is the overarching commitment that keeps everything in check. You have bad days, but each and every time you try to make the next ones better because you know there is no other alternative, no other person you would rather live your life with. 

We have definitely been through some shit, but there is no one else I would rather trudge through the shit with than him. Which I think is the key right there. Life is never going to be perfect and wonderful all of the time. Even the best marriage will have moments where you are so furious at them you need to leave the house. Which I have absolutely done. Multiple times. And there are always outer forces like terrible jobs and bosses, money problems, health problems, to name just a few. But, if you have Your Person, you can weather those struggles a bit more easily knowing there is always someone you can share your burdens with and who truly cares about you. 

I know that I am very lucky to have my husband. I probably don't tell him that often enough. Even though I can write about how much I love him with no problem, I tend not to speak it that often, or certainly not as often as I should. Which, is probably a mistake and a personal failing, and something I should work on much harder. My husband has a very large personality, and while that can make him often the most fun person in the room, it can also become overbearing and I am the one that has to bring him back down to reality. Even though he is a self-contained, mobile block party, I am actually the funnier one, which he only recently has begrudgingly admitted.

As we approach our middle life (although I think we are probably well past the true mid-point) we are trying very hard to reconnect from the distance that comes from raising two children and having two jobs. For a very long time, we were like two ships that passed in the night. Hell, maybe that is why we are still together! But now, we are wanting to do fun things together (without kids) and so far it's been a blast. Both of us are very flawed human beings, but we kind of have more redeeming qualities than flawed ones. At least, that's what I'd like to think. 

I should probably start planning now for our 25th anniversary, that's a big one, no?  Maybe that deserves a large trip of some kind. When we were first married, my husband was attending his first semester of law school (part time) while working a full time job. The wedding date had been planned long before his acceptance, so we didn't quite know how horrifically busy he would be. Our honeymoon had not been booked, but we had planned on a Mediterranean cruise. Of course, we could not go on a honeymoon right after the wedding, so he wrote me a "legal" IOU for the cruise. Of course, I then became pregnant in early January of that next year, he dropped out of law school because he wasn't born on the planet Krypton, and the cruise was postponed indefinitely. I don't think he thought it would be almost 25 years before we went on that cruise, but perchance it's time to locate that piece of paper and settle it up...