Lucky Me
Not too long ago, I was invited to a social gathering. When asked what my occupation was by a newly introduced acquaintance, I responded that I was a SAHM.
"Oh," they replied "how lucky you are to get to do that!"
Luck?
Becoming a SAHM is not necessarily something that you just sort of fall into, especially not if you already have a career.
A few summit meetings had to be held with my husband when I got unexpectedly pregnant shortly after our marriage. Having just started our life together, we weren't necessarily in the best position to lose our double income, and it took a bit of reminding that prior to our marriage, we had discussed that if we were to have kids, I would stay at home to raise them. The pregnancy had come earlier than we had planned, so he was hesitant to lose my income, which was at that time only twenty thousand a year less than his own pay. He tried to talk me out of it more than a few times, but I was adamant. I went back to work part-time for about three months after my son was born, realized how much I missed my baby, and quit for good.
Also, I was very concerned with someone else being the person who watched my child for most of the day, five days a week. In my mind, it meant that I wasn't raising my child, someone else was. I just could not make that scenario work for me, although I in no way judge those that do. It just wasn't right for me, and I gave up my life as I knew it to follow that path.
Then there was that whole adjustment period in which after losing my income, we were very, very poor. My husband makes a good income, but the area where we live has a high cost of living. Gone were the new clothes, vacations, cars and all kinds of other things that can be afforded when both parents work. Some months we barely had enough to pay our bills, and I am in no way exaggerating. And that was still after cutting out pretty much all luxuries, which included things like the newspaper and cable as well as more mundane things like name-brand shampoos. We managed to stay out of the red, but barely.
My life became completely different. I gave up a lot of adult interaction, and a tiny bit of my self-esteem as a “productive” member of society. I quickly got over that, because I soon realized there is nothing more productive than raising a child. I would sometimes count the minutes until my husband got home from work so that I could have just a few minutes of peace to myself. I would sometimes cry in frustration when my son, who had colic, would not stop crying no matter what I did.
But despite all the difficulties and hurdles, I would do it all over again.
It took hard work, patience, and sacrifice for me to stay home.
And luck? Not much more than a bit player, if you ask me.
"Oh," they replied "how lucky you are to get to do that!"
Luck?
Becoming a SAHM is not necessarily something that you just sort of fall into, especially not if you already have a career.
A few summit meetings had to be held with my husband when I got unexpectedly pregnant shortly after our marriage. Having just started our life together, we weren't necessarily in the best position to lose our double income, and it took a bit of reminding that prior to our marriage, we had discussed that if we were to have kids, I would stay at home to raise them. The pregnancy had come earlier than we had planned, so he was hesitant to lose my income, which was at that time only twenty thousand a year less than his own pay. He tried to talk me out of it more than a few times, but I was adamant. I went back to work part-time for about three months after my son was born, realized how much I missed my baby, and quit for good.
Also, I was very concerned with someone else being the person who watched my child for most of the day, five days a week. In my mind, it meant that I wasn't raising my child, someone else was. I just could not make that scenario work for me, although I in no way judge those that do. It just wasn't right for me, and I gave up my life as I knew it to follow that path.
Then there was that whole adjustment period in which after losing my income, we were very, very poor. My husband makes a good income, but the area where we live has a high cost of living. Gone were the new clothes, vacations, cars and all kinds of other things that can be afforded when both parents work. Some months we barely had enough to pay our bills, and I am in no way exaggerating. And that was still after cutting out pretty much all luxuries, which included things like the newspaper and cable as well as more mundane things like name-brand shampoos. We managed to stay out of the red, but barely.
My life became completely different. I gave up a lot of adult interaction, and a tiny bit of my self-esteem as a “productive” member of society. I quickly got over that, because I soon realized there is nothing more productive than raising a child. I would sometimes count the minutes until my husband got home from work so that I could have just a few minutes of peace to myself. I would sometimes cry in frustration when my son, who had colic, would not stop crying no matter what I did.
But despite all the difficulties and hurdles, I would do it all over again.
It took hard work, patience, and sacrifice for me to stay home.
And luck? Not much more than a bit player, if you ask me.
Comments
Glad you're posting. I think a post or two a week might work well for you.
Things are happier now. My husband is better, in a new job that he loves and I am able to work part time while the kids are at school. Maybe one day we will have the big house and new car. But right now I am happy that I don't have to work so hard, can enjoy my kids and pay the bills!
SO in my long winded way I say yes you are lucky to have that opportunity but also I know how many sacrifices you have to make to do so.
Luck? Hardly!
Michelle-your sister is completely unfair. Certainly everyone has the right to make their own decisions; however, I completely disagree with her posture. If staying at home works for you, perfect. If it doesn't work for her, great. Different strokes, right?
My mom was a stay at home mom, and our family lived much like you do. You make choices, you budget and yes, sometimes you fret.
In truth, having a job and dealing with adults is often easier than staying at home with your children.
And you single mom's out there.... just my humble opinion, but don't rush back to a full time job when your kids are in school. Teenagers need you to be there when they get home as much as your toddlers..
There is a saying, creataed no doubt to absolve guilt " It's not the QUANTITY it's the QUALITY of your time with your kids", I disagree QUANTITY is QUALITY.
I am not slamming choice here, but in truth, having children is the CHOICE, raising them, being there for them and passing on your values and gifts to them is your responsiblity. If both parents want or need to work, there are many options,such as working opposite shifts. It's all about priorites.
Again, you have my deepest respect.
There are challenges and obstacles to being a SAHM too, I think that gets forgotten because with the lack of paycheck, some people forget it is still a hard job.
And yet...I think there is some luck there as well. Many families don't have the option at all, because they wouldn't be giving up cable and vacations, they would be giving up housing and food. One could argue that it's not luck, it's choosing a spouse with a job that will support this decision, and choosing well. But I would say, even then, there's some luck involved.
Heidi :)
And yes at times the struggling was extremely stressful but thankfully it all worked out. I figure if a couple can get through being broke together then they can get through most any thing.
Great post Gina!
And Hope is right. I can't tell you how much grief I get from certain people I know who wonder why I am still working part-time when my youngest is 15 and a sophomore in high school. It's simple. I still feel like I need to be here when she gets home from school.
When the time comes, even though I know I will be heart broken, I will go back to work and Eric will stay home. It's simple mathematics in that I make 3x more then him. Hopefully he'd still be able to grow his business part-time and we'll have to find help when he has jobs outside of the house.
That at least is our current pipe dream.
Of course there are sacrifices but worth every one.
Kudoes to you!
Mama Bear