Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Reason for My Jungle Expulsion

So Elizabeth wants to know "your most embarassing moment while doing the wild monkey dance. Details, we want details."

Well, I know that Elizabeth isn't one to mince words, so I am going to take what she wrote at face value and respond.

I need to take a deep breath, for I am still scarred to this day. I can't believe I am actually going to share this story with the Internet.

Ok, one day I was hanging out in the jungle, just kinda minding my own business. I was up in a large, gnarled tree that had long, leafy vines hanging from it. The smell of exotic fruit mixed with damp earth filled my nostrils.

The next thing I know, some monkeys casually swung up to the branch I was occupying. It was a little crowded, but I made some room.

"Hey," they said.

"Hi!" I responded.

"Would you like to dance with us?" they queried.

"Well, I wouldn't mind, but I have to ask what might be considered a rather rude question."

"Shoot," they said good-naturedly.

"Are you wild monkeys? Because I will only dance with wild monkeys. None of this tame zoo stuff for me."

"Oh yeah, we're about as wild as they come. Why just a few minutes ago we were picking fleas out of each other's fur. You can't get much wilder than that, baby."

"Let's go for it then!" I rejoined enthusiastically.

They went and got their boom box, and started to play some heavy techno music, I am too unhip to even identify the group.

We began to dance, a little tentatively at first, but then began to get a bit more comfortable with each other.

I was doing the "Electric Baboon" when suddenly, I slipped on a banana peel and fell off the branch.

I haven't yet been able to go back, I can still hear their laughter to this day.

And I'm mad, because I could sure use their help getting rid of some of these fleas.


Mel said...


That was hilarious!

Piece of Work said...

Ha ha ha ha ha!! LOVE IT!

chichimama said...

Tee hee hee...you crack me up!

Shopping Diva said...

You should come dance with me and my wild monkeys. We drink lots-o-margaritas and we don't notice who falls over. We just get back up and dance.

WordsRock said...

You are one wild and crazy girl.


you hippo said...

This story is a complete and total fabrication. There seems to be much of this going on in the literary world lately. I have just informed Oprah about this particular testimony of LIES, LIES and more LIES. She, of course, is appalled. Her indignation is apparent and I, for one, hope you feel the wrath that is Oprah.

This blogger has never been seen 'hanging out' in the jungle. Ever. And let me just state for the record, monkeys DO NOT have boom boxes and the 'Electric Baboon' first introduced in 1975 by O Rang U Sweet Poon Tang died out with the introduction of a new, gritty sound introduced by The Big Red Monkey Butts with the ground breaking CD 'Let's Fling Poo At The Humans'.

It is so unfortunate that some 'writers' feel it necessary to lie in order to further their careers, alas, it is all too common.