Monday, January 28, 2008

An Oldie, but Goodie

I was thinking to myself that many of you fabulous readers have joined me fairly recently. And heck, as long as I've been doing this, even two years ago qualifies as fairly recent.

So, in the interest of perhaps spurring myself to recapture those heady first days of blogging and the enthusiasm that went with it, I figured I would start to put up some of my older stuff. Because really, how many of you have gone back to April of 2004?

Exactly. That's why I'm doing this.

Think of this as that swirly, whooshy effect that happens when a character on television starts visualizing the past...

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So today we spent the day at Irvine Regional Park, which is a lovely place nestled somewhere along the boundaries of the Cleveland National Forest. We rode a very cute little 1/3 scale steam train, but I am not sure it was worth nine bucks for the three of us. Actually, now that I think about it, definitely a rip-off. All we saw were some trees and a very small lake, something we could have seen for free just by walking.

So, we are climbing trees, throwing sticks into the waterfall from a bridge (our very own version of Poohsticks), and walking along the banks of Santiago creek. I come to the decision that I probably should go pee, since I know that we are going out to dinner from there. Hubba-hubba enters his restroom first, and apparently encounters no problems, although he is a man and men can pee virtually anywhere. I walk into my section, and as it is dusk and no lights are on, I am very wary of what may or may not be on the floor or on the seats. So, I decide to hold it until we get to the restaurant.

Of course, on the way there we encounter every pee-holder's nightmare you can think of. A train, a broken traffic light, morons everywhere on the road, not to mention all the traffic of people trying to get home from work. Finally we make it there, and I do an awkward lock-kneed lope to the restroom. One stall is out of commission, so into the handicapped stall I go.

And there it is-pee on the toilet seat. Why do some women insist on pulling the hovercraft manuever when peeing in a public restroom? Are they so afraid of offending the oh so delicate sensibilities of their BUTT that they cannot utilize the paper liners that are everywhere now? Are they afraid that there is poop on the seat? Well, I hate to be the one to break the news, but if there indeed is poop on the seat, it came from some woman pulling the same move. If you actually plant yourself on the seat, there is no way you can miss. I mean really, unlike a man, women are not used to aiming into the toilet bowl from above, and we are really not good at it.

Bending over when you have to pee badly is not a happy activity, especially when you have weak bladder muscles like mine. I do not enjoy wiping off toilet seats under the best of circumstances, and this was nowhere near. But, finally I get all of the "spray" off of the seat and get some relief.

Ladies, until you are willing to practice the hovercraft at home and perfect it, do us a favor and just sit your butt on the seat and pee like a woman.

13 comments:

Awesome Mom said...

Amen to that sistah! I sit on the toilet with no liner *gasp* I am not afraid of no stinking germs that may or may not live on a dry toilet seat.

Family Adventure said...

LOL - 'practice the hovercraft'
Perfectly said! This should be posted on all public washroom walls.

Heidi

Kelley said...

Oh my lovely, you KNOW how delicate I am about public restrooms.

No freaking 'rest' there I tell ya!

Oh and GUESS WHAT! I found one of the mangy ho's at my work who doesn't wash her hands after using the facilities!!! Now to find the other one and then make them lick each others hands.....

Megs said...

Agreed. Hovering is the reason women HAVE to hover. It's self defeating, really.

captain corky said...

People who pee on toilet seats should be executed. Except for me when I'm drunk, of course. ;)

Steph said...

Well said, Gina. Ugh, spray on the seats is so gross.

karla said...

Not sure if my other comment went through - blogger brought up a weird page telling me to fix my profile?

Umm, anyways....

My comment said: Here Here! I second that motion!

:)

Liz said...

Good idea Gina. I never read this post. And I agree with you. Pee on the seat is gross and completely unnecessary. And besides, why pee on the seat and then not clean up after yourself. Disgusting!!

Mrs. G. said...

Got it!

... Paige said...

There was this lady, I use that term very loosely on my floor at work. She could not have hit the side flat side of street if she had tried and lord knows she tried. Alas she is no longer with us real ladies any more. Ah the relief of sitting while one takes a leak. Followed by a good washing of the hands. Yeah baby that's what I call high society!

Nance said...

Sigh. I am so, SO with you on this. My guts just hit the floor when I have to walk into a stall and see the droplets on the seat. Urg.

dgm said...

It's all about the squats and lunges. Those without strong quads are incompetent to engage the hovercraft maneuver.

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

Cute post. I had no idea you had been blogging that long. Man, you are like a "grandmother blogger" - hee hee. Just kidding Gina. :)