I Guess It All Depends On Your Definition

Lately, I feel like the miscarriage has been defining me.

And I don't like it.

It seems that it keeps coming up and I keep having to talk to people about it, even now almost three weeks after the fact.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that "it was God's will."

I don't believe that. I know that it is people just trying to make me feel better, to reassure me that I had nothing to do with it, that it was out of my control. Yet it annoys me to hear it.

My God, the God that I believe in, has better things to do than go around pointing random fingers and proclaiming who gets what.

That is the difference between myself and a lot of people. I am religious, but I think that we have been given free reign by God, and I thought that Jesus made it fairly clear that we have free will. I would not think that God would be so petty as to busy Himself with my affairs so closely. I don't think that He keeps me from getting a good parking spot any more than He kept me from having a viable pregnancy.

But that is probably just me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fallen Between the Cracks

Why did I stop writing here? With the grace of 20/20 hindsight, there were a LOT of reasons. My daughter's journey would get tougher and tougher, and as I added work into the mix of raising two kids, it was one more thing I just didn't have time for. And well, that work thing.  It sure does suck a lot of free time away, doesn't it?  Even though I am still only part time. I will be honest, as much as I adored all the people on the blogosphere that were kind enough to grace me with their wit and time, I just could not keep up with the constant commenting that I felt was only fair to these wonderful people.   So instead, what did I do? I did what any self respecting coward would do. I ghosted, of course. Not that I think my absence was enough to cause people to be distressed, but I feel badly if anyone felt slighted. Even as I write this, I feel like I am being waaaay too self important.  Isn't that the whole point of a blog, though?  Nobody writes a blog that doesn't
Read more

Onward

The end of the school year, finally! Did I tell you that my son went to public school this past year? Did I tell you that my daughter was in a regular Kinder classroom this year? Although it was nice to have them both in school, there were definitely things I was not so hip on, such as having to wake up at 5:20 every morning just to get everyone out the door on time.  And then after all the driving and dropping off, going to work. Such fun! I had forgotten the dreariness of having to complete mounds and mounds of homework (even though new research has shown that homework, especially for Kinder, is for shit).  Of constant deadlines and fundraisers and things I am supposed to volunteer for. My daughter had a good year, but was definitely not without its bumps. Her teacher, an older, highly experienced, practical woman with a Master's in Education, kept referring to my daughter as an "inclusion student."  It wasn't her name or just "student" but was
Read more

Friday Poll

Because Friday night is our "movie night" at home and we order pizza and eat it on the couch whilst watching G-rated fare with Mr. P, I have to ask: What is your must-have pizza topping? What is one topping you would never eat?
Read more