Sunday, July 22, 2007

I Guess It All Depends On Your Definition

Lately, I feel like the miscarriage has been defining me.

And I don't like it.

It seems that it keeps coming up and I keep having to talk to people about it, even now almost three weeks after the fact.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that "it was God's will."

I don't believe that. I know that it is people just trying to make me feel better, to reassure me that I had nothing to do with it, that it was out of my control. Yet it annoys me to hear it.

My God, the God that I believe in, has better things to do than go around pointing random fingers and proclaiming who gets what.

That is the difference between myself and a lot of people. I am religious, but I think that we have been given free reign by God, and I thought that Jesus made it fairly clear that we have free will. I would not think that God would be so petty as to busy Himself with my affairs so closely. I don't think that He keeps me from getting a good parking spot any more than He kept me from having a viable pregnancy.

But that is probably just me.

No comments: