Monday, July 30, 2007

At This Rate, I'll Never Run Out of Blog Fodder

Today I used one of my stainless steel mixing bowls to store my freshly made pasta salad. Sure, I could have used one of the bowls I have with a matching lid, but that would have made my life easy, now wouldn't it? No, I needed the extra space the mixing bowl would provide, as the pre-lidded ones are quite huge and since my freezer still isn't working (please, please don't make me tell you what is going on, you really don't want to know) I need all the extra space I can possibly get.

So, I reached into one of my kitchen drawers and pulled out a roll of plastic wrap. I gingerly opened the top and pulled off a bit. This is where things started to totally unravel, and not in the right way. I couldn't peel it off perfectly, and so crunkled up a rather large chunk off the edge. I pulled more, and finally got the wrap perched evenly on top of the cutter. I pulled down to chop it, and immediately the one corner collapsed, crunkling even more.

I thought to myself, I am 251 thirty-frickin-six years old, and I still have no idea how to properly cut off plastic wrap. I am a complete and utter failure.

Then I thought of other things that at this late stage of the game, I have no excuse for not knowing how to do.

- Fold a fitted sheet. Try and try as I might, damn that Marthat Stewart and her "false corners," I cannot fold a fitted sheet so that it is as flat as a non-fitted one to save my life.

- Change a tire. I think my Dad, one time right before I got my driver's license, went over with me the fine points of how to change a tire. But that was close to twenty years ago, and the memory is extremely fuzzy. If I absolutely had to change a tire, I might be able to figure it out. Eventually. But I would probably die of starvation first.

- Make yeast rise properly. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to raise yeast. The results just aren't pretty. I love to bake, and it annoys me that I have been unsuccessful so far.

- Figure out a tip. I am just bad with numbers and percentages all around, so this is especially difficult for me. Now, I know I could go around with one of those handy dandy tip calculators and give the perfect tip every time. But how nerdy is that? I have very little street cred as it is, and what I do have would be destroyed completely the instant I flashed one of those babies. Instead, I just try to get to 10 percent and then fumble around from there.

- Balance a checkbook. Again, it's a number thing with me. I mean, hey, if you had your accountant Dad get so frustrated with you when helping with your math homework that he broke his pencil, you'd have a phobia about numbers too. I live in fairly complete number ignorance, and the last I looked, my online banking has a feature that will do it for me.

And next time, I'll just do it the easy way and get one of the bowls with a lid. Then again, if I hadn't, what in the world would I have blogged about?

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