Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The World According to Garp, er, Gina

People who don't agree with stem cell research should all get on a list, and then when the medical advances come out that are a direct result of that research, won't receive them. No changing minds when you find out you or your loved one has a horrible disease. Cuz, you know, it was unethical and all that.

People who cut in line should be then forced to go into another line where people are paying for their purchases with only quarters, dimes, and pennies. Either that, or the line of ladies who don't even bother to take their checkbooks out of their purses until the cashier is completely finished ringing everything up. And then need a pen and don't know what the date is.

People who think it is ok to smoke around children should have to put on their own little astronaut-like helmets when they feel the need for a puff. We'll work out something for the times they need to take the cigarette out of their mouths. Perhaps some kind of tube.

People who don't agree with a woman's right to choose should be at the adoption center, like, yesterday. Or at least be a foster parent.

People who don't believe in global warming should be made to live on an island that is at or below sea-level. Or Greenland.

People who still think that W is doing a heckuva job (and at least 30 percent or so of the US population thinks that way) should be made to accompany Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.

People who fail to replace the toilet roll should be forced to watch a montage of "Cop Rock" reruns, or reruns of "The Simple Life." I'm nice like that, letting them choose.

People who cut other people off on the freeway and then get angry when the cuttee has the audacity to get upset should be made to drive the streets of Los Angeles on a moped for a minimum of an hour. Five bucks says they don't even last that long.

People who drive around solo in their Hummers should have to put license plate frames on them that state "I'm the only person who thinks I'm cool."


Ahhhh, doesn't it sound like paradise? You know you would want to live there.

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