Thursday, August 03, 2006

From the Desk of Mr. Personality

I would like to go over the main points discussed in last week's presentation: How To Get Your Parents To Buy You Whatever You Want In Three Easy Steps! I am currently following my program to the letter, and any day now, the acquisition of that two hundred dollar electric Lightning will be complete! Don't forget to wave as you see me riding by your house.

Step 1- Don't Just Meet- Exceed Their Expectations!
The key to this strategy is finding out your parent's "currency." For me, I knew Subject A (aka Mom) was wishing I could read a book on my own. Once I knew this, it was easy to pretend to stumble on simple phonetics, making the moment when I did read a book one that will last forever in her memory! Now, other parents might want you to ride a bike, or hit a home run, the variables are endless. Just observe your subject carefully, and it shouldn't take you long to figure out what they are looking for. Then, be sure to capitalize on your knowledge.

Step 2- Undermine Their Credibility!
When Auntie came over with a new book for me and I refused to read it, I could just feel Subject A cringing on the other side of the room. Especially after she had bragged about it to everyone on the phone. Of course I can read Dick and Jane! I just wanted to show her that I know I have all the power. Pointing to the wrong animal was just a bonus opportunity. I know darn well what a cat looks like!

Step 3- String Them Along!
You see, the psychology of this program is what makes it so powerful. Once the subjects have gotten even the tiniest taste of what they wanted, they want more! I simply threw Subject A off balance by reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" out loud, but skipping key words on purpose. I could tell she was hoping I had read the words, but then, if I really had read the words, why did I miss a few? And why did I read it so quickly? She thought I memorized the story, but she wasn't sure. Again, the beauty of the fake-out.

So, my esteemed colleauges, I have worked Subject A into an almost literal frenzy for me to read more by myself. She is desperate, she feels like she has lied to the people around her. She has been weakened considerably. She was impressed by the fact that I read the price tag for the car correctly at our unplanned visit to Toys R Us. The next time we go to the store and see that car, I will have her perfectly psychologically conditioned to bribe me with it in order to hear me read again!

As discussed prior, I will be expecting my ten percent cut.

Thank you and good luck,
Mr. Personality

1 comment:

Maya's Granny said...

I wonder if it is too late for a Granny to take Mr. Personality's advice?