So on Sunday, all of us went to see a show. By all of us I mean Hubba-hubba, Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, Mr. Personality, and me.
As we sat watching, we all would occasionally glance over at Mr. Personality to see his reaction to what was going on.
Invariably, he would be raptly looking at the action, with a bit of a furrowed brow. My son is someone who takes absolutely nothing at face value. He doesn't just say, oh, ok, there's a clown doing tricks. Who is the clown? Why is the clown there? Is that his real nose? He is not a child who will screech with joy and point at something that interests him. He is analyzing it, absorbing it, trying to fit what is happening with his so far rather limited, not-quite-four-years-old world view.
I have often wondered at this child, who is capable of being as silly as anyone, yet so very serious for someone his age.
There was a younger girl sitting a couple of rows behind us who could just not stop being delighted with the show, and was constantly giggling, even screaming with laughter at some points. Not Mr. Personality. Nothing but an air of concentration, although appearing fascinated at the same time.
My mother, who was sitting next to me, saw his lack of outward reaction and shook her head. I know that she wishes he could be more outgoing, more like a "little kid" rather than a seeming mini-adult.
I felt myself getting defensive, and getting a bit annoyed at my mother. Then, I began getting annoyed at myself for thinking that I had to defend my son's behavior. He wasn't being obnoxious or whining for a snowcone, he simply wasn't acting the way she thought a three year old should be acting.
It has taken me a while to get to this place. Well to be honest, I only got here very recently. To stop me from wanting my son to be more like myself and Hubba-hubba. I kept repeating to myself, it's just a phase, just a phase. Then I began to think, what if it isn't just a phase? What if this is who he is, and here I am trying to change his nature simply becuase it doesn't fit my perception of how a person with my DNA should be conducting themselves.
But instead of thinking I have arrived at my destination and ready to put my clothes in the drawers, I believe I am only on the first leg of what is going to turn out to be a rather incredible journey. That of learning from my son who he is, instead of me trying to force him into the mold of who I think he should be.
Good thing I never underpack.