Monday, April 10, 2006

When Mops Attack

So it seems that lately my life is simply serving as a cautionary tale to others.

Witness:




Do you see this child smiling happily, holding the wonderful Libman mop? Do you know why this child is smiling? Because he does not have boobs, that's why. I believe also that they have to qualify as big boobs, at least a C cup. If you are less than that, this warning does not apply.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ever be in a hurry to finish your mopping if you own a mop similar to this. DO NOT ever be distracted by that cobweb that is hanging annoyingly from your light fixture as you are pulling the handle up in order to bring it to its normal position.

If this does happen, you will painfully catch your boob in between the "stopper" part of the handle and the wringing mechanism. Think of those horrible, twisting pinches you used to get from the boys in grade school. Then multiply it by oh, about 3 on the pain scale. What makes it worse is that the pain is so shocking, you will stare at your boob caught between said parts for more seconds than is absolutely necessary. Or perhaps you will simply be shocked at your stupidity, either way, it's not good.

Hope for a minute that no one in the neighborhood thinks you are being mugged due to your high-pitched scream, and be glad that your husband is out with your preschooler.

That way no one will ever know.

Just be sure that no one catches you naked for a couple weeks, and you'll be ok.

15 comments:

Granny said...

The only thing I can think of to compare that with was when my daughter bent over to pull the two sections of our dinette table together.

Guess what got caught in the crack.

It's a dangerous world out there.

Mega Mom said...

Thank you for reason #4 to be thankful for my small boobies.

Owwww!

Liz said...

Ouch! My C cups thank you for the warning!

chichimama said...

Oh. My. So sorry. And so glad for my B-cups. And my lack of interest in using the virtually new mop sitting in my closet.

I am off to tell M that I am saving my boobs for him by not mopping....

WordsRock said...

I'd offer you the traditional maternal "fix" for every injury great and small, a kiss to make it better, but... ;)

Hope there's no permanent damage!

Suzanne

Paige said...

And you wondered why I have a swifer.

Mary said...

OUCH! That's all I can think to say! OUCH! I knew there was a reason I don't clean house that much!

Elizabeth said...

Now all you need is a whip and some chains. Dressing in black leather will also help. From what I understand, having a code word is imperative.

oshee said...

Oh my...I bet nobody ever imgained that happening with a mop. My almost two year old son went through a phase where he thought pinching mommy's nipples was interesting. Funny thing is, he always thought me the bad one because I wouldn't let him sit on my lap anymore. heh

Mel said...

Yet another Public Service Announcement. You are so helpful!

Heather said...

OUCH! I'm clutching my even MORE ample breasts in empathy for you!

Cuppa said...

Yikes! I rounded my shoulders,crossed my arms over my chest and cringed when I read this. Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow!
Don't think I will bring one of those dangerous things into my house. Thanks for the warning.

wordgirl said...

I doubt my boobs are big enough for that to happen.

Awesome Mom said...

Guess I need to throw out my mop lol or get my hubbie to wash the floors. I am sure that if I show him this post he is sure to clean them with no complaint.

Hope said...

Housework is dangerous to one's health