Thursday, April 06, 2006

Just Call Me Mrs. Match

So Hubba-hubba is quite the stereotypical man who is unable to match clothes. I don't know how he managed to hide this lack of talent during the years we were dating. Perhaps he wore jeans and threw up a prayer that the shirt matched. Probably nineteen times out of twenty it worked, and the other times it was too dark for me to tell. Somehow, though, I never found out until it was too late.

I don't know how many times I have stared at him after he has put on gray pants with a gray shirt (!) and seriously expected to walk out of the house that way. He asks me if he looks ok, and I tell him Caspar the Friendly Ghost would like his outfit back. The sigh and eyeroll executed by me after such a faux pas was perfected eons ago. I think I should apply for a copyright. I have asked him if he is colorblind, but he vehemently denies it. Methinks perhaps the protest is a bit much.

He does the very same thing with Mr. Personality's clothes, even the pajamas. Does it take a genius to figure out that the fuzzy top with the football on it should go with the fuzzy bottoms with footballs on them as well? My friends, in this house, that is a rhetorical question. Hubba-hubba will dress him with the fuzzy football top, but non-fuzzy spaceship bottoms. Then, even worse, the pajamas are mismatched for the rest of the week. It drove me so nuts that I actually now fold the pajama tops and bottoms tucked together so that there will be absolutely no confusion. Forget the old-fashioned way of tops on this side of the drawer and bottoms on that side. The confused few always ruin it for the many. And make no mistake that the "many" referred to here is me.

Does anyone remember "Garanimals?" You know, the kids clothing line back in the 70's where all you had to do was match the purple monkey top with the purple monkey bottom, and you were stylin'? I'm thinking of introducing something similar for men, but with a more virile twist. I'll call it "Gamanimals" or perhaps, "No Guess?" How about beer keg bottoms to beer keg tops? Bikini blonde with bikini blonde and Red Bull with Red Bull?

I think I've got a winner here. Anybody want to invest?


Anvilcloud said...

Maybe he's yanking your chain? Just a thought.

Granny said...

I loved garanimals. They made life so simple.

Our middle girl wll not wear coordinated outfits. She mixes and matches on her own. Somehow it works for her.

I've given up on matching up clothing. As long as she leaves the house clean and appropriately dressed (within the dress code for school), if she wants to combine stripes and polka dots, it's fine with me most of the time.

Her teacher has told me the class loves seeing what Rochelle will have on her back each day. Somehow she makes it work.

Goofy kid.

chichimama said...

Brilliant. I'm serious! I'd invest except I just every single penny we own into a house. If you wait a few year :-)...

Mega Mom said...

My husband only wears (I'm serious ONLY) khakis and a golf shirt every day. With running sneakers. I knew this when I signed on for the deal.

What kills me is that he'll put the kids in red pants and a purple shirt. When I see them I do my eyeroll (which sounds eerily similar to yours) and say "would you wear that? Seriously, would you EVER wear that?". He usually feigns ignorance, but he KNOWS.

I'd certainly invest.

WordsRock said...

My stepfather was the same way. He'd match stripes with plaids and had no clue what colors matched with other colors. After a few years of marriage with my mother correcting his choices, he gave up trying and would just ask her what he should wear before getting dressed.

It was a common family joke that adult Garanimals would be just the thing for him! :)


Heather said...

Too funny. For much of our daughters lives, Marcel has either started work later than me or been a stay-at-home dad and he has to get them dressed for school or daycare or whatever. I never know WHAT they'll be wearing when I get home. Back when they were babies, I used to pick them up and sometimes the babysitter would look at me funny and say "is this really the way this outfit is supposed to be worn?" and it would either be backwards or mismatched.

Oh well, I guess I can't have everything. He does cook a mean supper!

Awesome Mom said...

I am so there with you!!! My husband has a very warped sense of style. I have helped him out a lot in that department but he still has items of clothing from his former life lurking in the closet. I am eyeing those awful things and wondering if I can get rid of them without him knowing. I think I will have to post pictures on my blog sometime soon for your amusement.

Hope said...

Love the idea, and yes I will invest, but NEVER as a silent partner.
I'd like to see a little print on the labels.... place in hamper after use.
Yes my husband is the same. If I buy him clothes as a gift I always by a complete outfit. People never fail to say to him: Your wife dressed ya, didn't she.?

Tracy said...

Gamanimals! You're funny! How about Cuban cigar tops with Cuban cigar bottoms?

J said...

I'm lucky, my husband knows what matches. Doesn't mean my kid wore the top that I bought to go with the pants, but at least they're both always stylish lookin'. :)

Love the idea, though, because many men are just CHALLENGED this way.

Piece of Work said...

My metrosexual husband would be all about getting those for me.

wordgirl said...

My sister claims that her husband desperately needs Garanimals. I do remember them!