So in the younger, child-free days of our relationship, Hubba-hubba and I loved us some travel. Remind me later to tell you the story of how we turned a 40 dollar plane ticket into 4 round-trips across the Continental United States.
But as we are thinking of perhaps loading Mr. Personality on a plane in order to satisfy our barely-dormant wanderlust, I remembered our tried and true method to keep anyone from sitting with us during our long cross-country flights.
You see, we had to fly Southwest Airlines due to the way we parlayed that lone plane ticket. And as everyone knows, Southwest has no assigned seating. Our biggest nightmare was having some buffoon between us from, let's say, LA to Baltimore. So we hatched a plan.
It was actually quite simple, and alarmingly effective. This plan only works with two people, and on planes that have 3 seats to a section. Mind you, all the interaction is between you and your partner only.
Step 1: Board the plane as early as possible, which necessitates being there early to recieve your boarding pass. Preferably the first seating call.
Step 2: This may not work as well due to new luggage restrictions, but place the largest piece of carry-on luggage you've got onto the seat between you and your traveling partner.
Step 3: Each person must lean over the luggage toward each other, and begin to speak in fairly harsh whispers as the plane begins to fill up with higher boarding pass numbers.
Step 4: As the plane begins to get more full, start speaking more loudly to each other. Shaking heads, pointing fingers, and giving dirty looks is encouraged.
Step 5: During your fake lover's quarrel, watch with secret glee as a minimum of a dozen passengers take a look at you two and decide they want nothing to do with either of you all the way to Baltimore.
Step 6: Congratulate each other as the plane is taking off for having the only empty middle seat on the plane.
This procedure failed only one time. And that was due to the plane being fully booked, and every single person showed up for the flight.
Trust me, it was the last seat taken.