So the problem has been that I have always, even as a young girl, (or should I say especially as a young girl) taken things personally.
Tiny things, big things, important things or ones that are truly inconsequential, it doesn't seem to matter. I will always perceive something as a reflection of me, not of the other person or people.
Oh, I have gotten much better over the years, and I think to this point except perhaps with my family, no one could probably be able to tell. But there is always a teensy part of me that whispers, "What did I do wrong?"
Which is what happened with the party. Looking back on it, there were probably only two people who I feel in retrospect bailed just because they felt like it. The others had quite legitimate reasons, but that wasn't the way I saw it Sunday.
I mean, I had great food, decor that had people impressed, I even had a freaking magician. And not a crappy magician, either, thank you. I had a kid's corner with toys for all ages, I had candelabra and 8 foot high medieval torches. I had linen tablecloths, and a throne that was at least 6 feet high with purple satin. I had high quality alcohol freely flowing for those that felt like it.
But people left early, most right after the main meal. In about 10 minutes, it seemed as if I had lost a third of my guests.
One was concerned that there were impending rain clouds, and she had a very long drive home. Another and his date also had a long drive home, but the clouds were not a factor. A whole family left because they weren't feeling well. A married couple said they had a previous engagement that they were already late for.
And so I immediately said to myself, "What did I do wrong that everyone wants to leave so early?" I completely knocked myself out for this party, as did my whole family, including my parents and Hubba-hubba.
This was not a lousy party, and yet I felt like I had done a lousy job. That I had somehow let people down and not done that elusive something that would have people stay until at least the cake was cut.
As a couple days have passed, I see now that there were many factors. It was a Sunday. In the middle of cold season. In the thick of Christmas season.
I should probably just be thankful that anyone came at all, eh?
I should probably just get over my narcissitic pity party, eh?
Because, as you all know, I'm selfish like that.