Saturday, November 26, 2005

Private, or Just a Prude?

So I believe that there should be no secrets between a married couple and all that. But I do happen to think that there are some things that one should not have to see the other spouse doing. I am not saying that the marriage will fall apart if they do, or that you should try to shield your partner from the things that make us all fallible and human. But...

Does your spouse really need to see you on the toilet? I say no. If it can't be helped then it can't be helped, but I personally am of the opinion that things relating to the toilet should be mostly contained to the person that is carrying them out. That is an image that my husband just does not need to have stored in his brain.

Another image that springs to mind is one of me trying to take a shower not too long ago when I hurt my back very badly. I was dying for a shower, it had been a couple days, and let me tell you that baby wipes just do not cut it for the long haul. So I was desperate to at least rinse off and wash my hair. I ventured shakily and half bent into the shower, with Hubba-hubba at the ready to help if I needed any. Well, it turned out that I pushed my back a bit further than it could go, and I got a horrible spasm that sent me to my knees. In the shower.

I needed to get out, but the problem was that in our bathroom, the space where you step out of the shower sort of has the toilet kind of near it, and anything longer than three feet was not going to get out of there easily. I just don't think they designed it with people who needed to crawl out of the shower in mind. So, I was naked, wet, screeching in pain, on all fours, trying to get out of the shower. My biggest problem was trying to lift my ankles up and over the shower door railings. My friends, a pretty sight it was not. But now it is etched probably forever in the mind of my husband.

Another iffy thing is vomiting. I am all for private vomiting. I don't want anyone near me if I am to be subjected to this. I have never thought of vomiting as a funny thing, although it is sometimes played for laughs in movies and such. I loathe vomiting of any kind, and I am miserable when I do. I do not find one iota of comfort in having someone standing over me while I do it. And the whole "holding the hair" thing is overrated. I mean, just have a scrunchy handy and you can keep the misery all to yourself. It just doesn't need to be a bonding experience.

All this reminds me of a speech that my sister gave at our wedding. She had been running around the entire day, helping me with the decorations and getting ready. None of us had really eaten anything, but she did have access to a bit of champagne, which apparently went directly to her head, because boy was she buzzed when she gave her toast.

She rambled a bit and then stated the immortal words that Hubba-hubba and I always like to quote when things get a bit rough for us.

"Marriage isn't all champagne and roses, ya know. Sometimes it's about being sick and throwing up, and being there for them to help clean it up."

I agree, but nobody said that I had to actually witness all of it.


Anvilcloud said...

Showers and wonky backs are sure not a good fit. The last bath I had was when my back was acting up so much.

Elizabeth said...

Soooo, I guess you don't think there should be secrets between bloggers, now do you? Thanks for sharing, it was quite funny and if I ever meet you in person and I burst out in laughter just remember this post.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Well, if you're a prude, then I am, too, 'cause I'm the same way!

Heather said...

I have a long-suffering husband who usually has to watch me vomit because I have a nasty habit of passing out when I do, and he tries to catch me on the way down. You know you married a good man when he's willing to do THAT!

WordsRock said...

How about the sounds that go with such events? Is it okay for your spouse to be within hearing distance?

This post begs the question: Was Hubba-hubba in the delivery room when you gave birth?


Gina said...

Suzanne, I would prefer that the sounds associated with those events would not be overheard, but sometimes there is just no helping it. If possible, I try to go as far away as I can.

As for the birth, Hubba-hubba was indeed present at my C-section, by both our choices. I would never have deprived him of the opportunity to see his son come into the world just because I didn't want him to see my intestines. But come to think of it, that might be one of the worst images ever. Hopefully for him, the fact that his son was born kind of blotted everything else out.

My mom did take some pictures, but you really can't make anything out other than him. At least, that is what I will continue to think even if it's not true...

theyellowwallpaper said...

I admit I'm one of those people who don't think twice about continuing a conversation, even if one of the party is reclined on the potty. We very rarely ever shut the door. When it comes to my hubby, there isn't much that we hide from each other - for better or for worse.

I think where it gets weird is if it involves parents or grandparents, especially as they age. As the bodies break down, privacy is slowly lost. And suddenly you are seeing this person in a much different light then you ever did growing up. It's humbling.