So apparently our hastily erected shrine to the gods of leaky pipes worked.
The bad news is that the plumber had to cut the bottom and back out of our bathroom vanity, as well as jackhammer a bit of slab in order to reach the offending pipe.
The good news is that it was just reachable, and he was able to fix it.
The even better news is that because he is a personal friend of Hubba-hubba's, he only charged us one hundred bucks.
I told Hubba-hubba that the leaky-pipe gods liked my offering of lemon cookies better than his turkey jerky. I mean, who wouldn't?