Friday, July 29, 2005

Fake is In

So here in LA, people have always tried to look as if they were born perfect. Of course they weren't and it used to be a few years back, that when you had anything on your body altered, the most important thing about the improvement was that it looked "natural." If you got your hair colored, it should be all different interwoven colors, mimicking the shade variations of real hair. If you got a boob job, (unless you were in the porn industry, which is more people than you would think) it should have looked like a gentle enhancement, not large rounds of fruit residing in your otherwise bony chest.

Lately I have noticed that trend, at least in the more monetarily gifted circles, is totally dead.

It is now cool to let everyone know that not only do you have money, you have enough to pay to have everything wrong with you fixed.

Hair? Well the hottest thing right now is to have two-tone hair. Usually it is a platinum blond on top, and then a dark brown or black on the bottom. So that you look like a zebra, yes. You want everyone to know that you know that you look like a zebra and you have so much money you don't care. I mean, who doesn't like zebras, anyway?

Boobs? The bigger the better, my friends. So you go to the gym and while you are exercising in your tiny top, everyone can see that those suckers don't move. It doesn't even matter. Everyone just sits back and admires the work. I have never seen a guy mention that some gal's boobs are just too darn big. The other day in the paper I saw an ad for a bikini shop that specialized in DDD and EE tops. The bikini bottom sizes were probably around 2.

Real nails? Pah, those are for saps who have to wash their own dishes. Real tans? Even with our ideal climate, they just don't happen that often here. You gotta look perfect au naturel, ya know, no tan lines allowed. Real eye color? Probably not. Real teeth color? Gauranteed, not on your life. Does it look too good to be true? Then it probably is.

Everybody has the number of "this guy" that can change you to look almost any way you wish. If you want it fixed, there is a guy who does it, no questions asked. And he's always got a special going. People here are Botoxed, lipo'd, buffed, scalpeled, implanted, and colored to within an inch of their lives. They think they look wonderful. They probably do look better than me.

Remodeling your house is so out. Remodeling yourself, that is the new investment strategy.

I haven't even gotten around to putting up my "new" curtains yet. I am so out of the loop...

5 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Reason number 4,567 why I don't want to live in So. California.

mwahahahaha.

Cuppa said...

That is a loop you WANT to stay out of. If "fake is in" let's stay OUT!

Real and soft - that is the way to be!

Karla said...

Oh my.
I am soooo out too. I mean, I admit I like to tan...but never ever ever would I botox, implant or lippo my body. I think I used crest white strips to sparkle up my smile before my wedding, but their all yellowed back up from all the coffee I drink.

To each their own I guess. I had a difficult enough time fitting in at my office where everyone is trying this new diet or that new eating regime, or the overpriced gym down the road. I don't know anyone (who has admitted it anyway) who has had botox or implants.

Your post reminds me of the show Nip/Tuck. Great show. Hauntingly disturbing. Its a perfect lie!

Gina said...

Ah Cuppa, I think I am a bit too soft. I am probably comparable to a waterbed.

Heather said...

Yeah, I like Cuppa's idea - "real and soft" - sounds just like ME!

Fake isn't all it's cracked up to be. Real's got more staying power.