Starbucks, Shmarbucks

I am one of the voiceless few. My brethren and I skulk around on the edges of American society. We are a true minority in this country, but I am about to administer a call to arms.

People who hate coffee, unite!

Truly, Hubba-hubba and I are two of the only people I know that refuse to drink coffee in any of its endless variables, courtesy of Starbucks. When we tell people that we don't drink coffee, we usually get blank stares. It is as if they truly cannot comprehend a life worth living without coffee. I am a tea drinker, iced tea, hot tea, green tea, you name it and I will pretty much drink it.

I think I should blame my father for this one, as he takes his coffee very strong and very black. He would let me drink from his coffee cup whenever I asked when I was younger, and it only took me a few times to figure out that it was just nasty. He did the same thing with beer and I don't really drink beer. Hmmmm, maybe he was on to something?

Sure, I tried to fit in and hang out with some friends at Starbucks when it was truly cool to hang out there, about 6 or 7 years ago. I can't remember exactly what I ordered, but my friends had recommended something with a lot of cream and a lot of sugar. I thought to myself, if you have to put this much crap in it to taste good, why does anyone drink the stuff?

I gloat when I hear studies about how coffee is bad for you, which then will usually promptly be refuted by another study a few months later saying how great coffee is for you. And back and forth it goes, I think the latest study has it being good for you, but in moderation. If there is anything I know about coffee drinkers, it is that they cannot be moderate about their consumption. I once had a friend who fought her inner demons every day to limit herself to three large cups of coffe a day. I know people who say they literally cannot operate properly until they drink at least a cup. That just kinda wakes them up, then on to more to enable full brain function.

So as I sip my tea, ever so ladylike, I pity the ones so beholden to their coffee. And don't think us tea people are not laughing at the prices you guys are willing to pay for your fix, or the ridiculous way you have to order it at the coffee places. I just am not willing to drink something that I have to use at least 3 adjectives to order.

Comments

Anvilcloud said…
There's hope for you yet. I didn't start drinking coffee until late in the year 2000 when I was into my fifties. One day, I just decided "enough is enough," and I began. I started with triple-triples and have settled in at double cream with no sugar. I am happy with one a day unless we go out and decide to pick up another one. But I would never go to Starbucks -- too complicated -- a silly place really. At Tim Horton's (here) there is one kind of coffee; it's good, and there's no confusuion about it.
4:52 AM
Melodee said…
I HATE COFFEE!
10:00 PM
Heather Plett said…
Chalk me up on the side of the TEA DRINKERS!! I HATE COFFEE TOO! Ah, these many years that I've put up with being the odd woman out!

Shall we gather at the tea house to commiserate?

Another good reason to drink tea... when I spoke with a tea farmer in Kenya recently, she told me that small-scale tea farmers usually get better prices than coffee farmers. So next time, tell them you're drinking tea for the sake of SOCIAL JUSTICE!
10:26 AM
Hannah Im said…
I am with you in the tea drinking camp. Coffee is coffee, but there are 1000's of kinds of tea to enjoy. Hmm, maybe I should go make some now. I found that Korean people drink a tea made by adding powdered soybeans to hot milk with a little suger and miniscule bit of salt, and I like to add a cinnamon stick to it.
1:41 PM
Gina said…
I think a tea party is in order!
11:23 PM
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