Wednesday, March 02, 2005

First Impressions

The remote managed to click itself onto "Wife Swap" today, and in the beginnng, the wives are able to roam alone through the house they will be living in.

I wondered what someone who had no idea who I was would think of the things in my home. Here is how I imagine her inner dialogue might sound:

Obviously a toddler in the house since the one end of the living room has been swallowed by all the toys. Is that a fireplace behind there?

Hmmm, she drives a very fuel-efficient vehicle, yet she uses disposable diapers.

What is with this junk basket on the kitchen counter? I had no idea there were that many items that have no discernable use.

Why are there so many boxes of Kleenex around?

Interesting, some of the furniture is Pottery Barn, yet others are clearly final clearances from Bert's Bargain Basement.

I have never seen a bagel guillotine until now.

She must be a horrible mother as that Royal Potty in the bathroom has seen little to no use.

I'm sure you love your kid, lady, but do you have to have that many pictures of him around?

Not on Atkins, way too many carbs around. Is she on any kind of diet at all?

But, there is a treadmill with only a little bit of dust on it.

Her houseplants are alive and thriving, but the ones on the patio could use some intensive care.

The toddler must have a fixation on peaches, since there is a refrigerator shelf that has mostly diced peach fruit cups.

This woman must have a scented candle fetish.

She has only two pair of pantyhose (one of them knee-highs) and two sets of heels. The rest of her wardrobe consists of shirts with various levels of stains and pants with holes in them. She must not work outside the home.

Ahhh, that explains the Bert's Bargain Basement furniture.


Mel said...

What a great idea for a post!

Mel said...
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