Tuesday, January 25, 2005

You know who you are

So today we spent the day at Irvine Regional Park, which is a lovely place nestles along the boundaries of the Clevland National Forest. We rode a very cute little 1/3 scale steam train, but I am not sure it was worth nine bucks for the three of us. Actually, now that I think about it, definitely a rip-off. All we saw were some trees and a very small lake, something we could have seen for free just by walking.

So, we are climbing trees, throwing sticks into the waterfall from a bridge (our very own version of Poohsticks), and walking along the banks of Santiago creek. I come to the decision that I probably should go pee, since I know that we are going out to dinner from there. Hubba-hubba enters his restroom first, and apparently encounters no problems, although he is a man and men can pee virtually anywhere. I walk into my section, and as it is dusk and no lights are on, I am very wary of what may or may not be on the floor or on the seats. So, I decide to hold it until we get to the restaurant.

Of course, on the way there we encounter every pee-holder's nightmare you can think of. A train, a broken traffic light, morons everywhere on the road, not to mention all the traffic of people trying to get home from work. Finally we make it there, and I do an awkward lock-kneed lope to the restroom. One stall is out of commission, so into the handicapped stall I go.

And there it is-pee on the toilet seat. Why do some women insist on pulling the hovercraft manuever when peeing in a public restroom? Are they so afraid of offending the oh so delicate sensibilities of their BUTT that they cannot utilize the paper liners that are everywhere now? Are they afraid that there is poop on the seat? Well, I hate to be the one to break the news, but if there indeed is poop on the seat, it came from some woman pulling the same move. If you actually plant yourself on the seat, there is no way you can miss. I mean really, unlike a man, women are not used to aiming into the toilet bowl from above, and we are really not good at it.

Bending over when you have to pee badly is not a happy activity, especially when you have weak bladder muscles like mine. I do not enjoy wiping off toilet seats under the best of circumstances, and this was nowhere near. But, finally I get all of the "spray" off of the seat and get some relief. Ladies, until you are willing to practice the hovercraft at home and perfect it, do us a favor and just sit your butt on the seat and pee like a woman.


Pamela Aaralyn said...


Signed: a woman who sits directly ON the toilet!

Mel said...

I so completely agree!