tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post3453858321865927269..comments2023-10-30T06:34:56.477-07:00Comments on Just Another Day: The Christmas That Wasn'tGinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11604097511444010759noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-22539540114817078412014-01-15T21:40:37.440-08:002014-01-15T21:40:37.440-08:00@awesome mom- Yeah, the contact is definitely bein...@awesome mom- Yeah, the contact is definitely being limited, although not in an explicit way. I'm too tired to deal with them at all!<br /><br />@Nance- It isn't that I haven't attempted to explain her issues to them, it's that they don't WANT to understand them, if you know what I mean. These are people with Master's Degrees in Education and Nursing, so it isn't as if I'm dealing with people unfamiliar with medical terminology and/or children's issues. When I was first getting my daughter tested, my mother protested "putting labels on her" and actually told me to my face that I "wanted something to be wrong with her." Yeah, kiss my ass, lady. <br /><br />@Christa- Yes, that side of the family is German, and that is exactly why we do Christmas Eve, complete with German food. I think my next year's holiday is going to be more like yours!<br /><br />@marvel- Thank you for the suggestion! The thing is, if they had told me BEFORE the morning of that things were changing, I would not have had them come over at all. Nor did I think that my mother would insist on waiting for a 50+ year old man who I assume could get over us having lunch without him.<br /><br />@Jellyjules- Yes, those two are definitely big on "power."<br /><br />@AC- Exactly, it's not like she will be 4 forever!<br /><br />@Seana- Yes, I think Christmas Eve will look very different next year. The sad part is that my husband predicted they would do exactly what they did, and I didn't believe him. Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11604097511444010759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-43430063102999978982014-01-15T14:27:38.908-08:002014-01-15T14:27:38.908-08:00I say opt out of family on Christmas Eve next year...I say opt out of family on Christmas Eve next year. Just tell them you'd like to get together at another time. Have a lunch/dinner on Christmas Eve with your immediate family that works on your time schedule. They have proven that they don't respect your reasoning (because I KNOW this isn't the only instance of this kind of behavior). Since Grandma/Grandpa gifts don't have to do with Santa, you really can do it any time before or even after Christmas. Then you remove the "holiday" stress. Book the big family event on a day that works for everyone that isn't tied to December 24th. Seanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04607380593636874494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-14104988054161425142014-01-10T07:03:40.817-08:002014-01-10T07:03:40.817-08:00Gina, at the very least, I think this is one tradi...Gina, at the very least, I think this is one tradition that you need to alter. Our traditions have changed over time, but sometimes we get back to something like the original versions when the tides of time shift again.Anvilcloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07974744042579564912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-36398266717305316792014-01-06T20:58:09.923-08:002014-01-06T20:58:09.923-08:00My aunt was clueless, albeit without any of the ve...My aunt was clueless, albeit without any of the very real issues you are dealing with. But she would keep us all waiting for hours for her to arrive for holiday meals. I think both Nance and Mervel have good suggestions. Try to make sure they understand the issues. If they do, then go for less trational celebrations. If that doesn't work, then go for Marvel's suggestion and remove the power from your mom and sister.Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00653383372182667361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-76194430312480463232014-01-02T13:51:56.621-08:002014-01-02T13:51:56.621-08:00You should just do what you need to do and let the...You should just do what you need to do and let them show up and participate or not. Have you read a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? Don't let the fact that it's out of Christian publishing company turn you off; it's an excellent explanation of how to set limits in your life. For instance, I would not have waited for your sister to show up to eat; I would have gone ahead and had the meal with my kids and husband as planned. If your mom complains, then she is free to wait for your sister. If she gets mad, then so be it. She is free to leave your house at any time. Your sister would be free to turn around and leave, should she be upset that you ate without her. Your daughter gets to open her presents at your intended time, whether your sister and brother-in-law are there are not. It was their choice to arrive late, you do not have to be limited by their choices. If they get mad at you, that is their decision and beyond your control, you do not have to worry about their reactions. If what I am saying sounds crazy, you need the book! <br /><br />http://www.amazon.com/658-Boundaries/dp/B0007URYFM/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1388698212&sr=8-11&keywords=boundaries<br /><br />It's not a matter of caring or not caring, it's just a matter of setting limits on what you will and will not do, and recognizing that whether your mother and sister are "happy" is entirely up to them, not you. marvelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07266807100607637404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-61735980995688604512014-01-01T08:35:05.175-08:002014-01-01T08:35:05.175-08:00We skipped family Christmas for the exact same rea...We skipped family Christmas for the exact same reason. My European immigrant family celebrates Christmas Eve with no presents until after dinner. And they think 6 p.m. is a reasonable STARTING TIME for dinner. I was like, yo, mom, Bo goes to bed at 6:30! Do you not give a fig about seeing him enjoy Christmas? As it was, as much as we tried to get things going earlier on second Christmas it was still a late, overtired, kind of crabby night at the end. That's why we did Christmas morning at our house, just the four of us - that was *real* Christmas.<br /><br />And I'm always of the opinion that if you always have to accommodate other people when you're the one who needs the accommodation, you don't need them in your life.<br /><br />Mama Up!https://www.blogger.com/profile/16062563084376679862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-21341627079800100602013-12-31T07:31:56.941-08:002013-12-31T07:31:56.941-08:00It sounds like your mom and sister don't have ...It sounds like your mom and sister don't have a full grasp of what exactly your daughter's special needs/condition are/is. Maybe they think you are simply overreacting, and they think that all of your scheduling, structuring, therapy, etc. are just you being overly concerned and protective of an "energetic child."<br /><br />If you have had a serious discussion with them regarding your daughter's special needs, or you have had them in the room with the therapist/doctor, and they are simply in denial, then it's time to regretfully restructure your family interaction with them. <br /><br />Maybe on Christmas, you and your immediate family should plan on being at home. Later, maybe on the following weekend, you could go to your mom and dad's with the kids and get their gifts and have that be the focus, not necessarily a meal. It's way less pressure. Is it traditional? No. But neither are the needs of your family at this point. <br /><br />I'm at a loss as to why your mom and sister don't seem to understand the situation with your daughter. But I'm sure it's not out of indifference or a lack of love for her. Nancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17627214346956206283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8464904.post-55218812714571844382013-12-30T21:46:37.361-08:002013-12-30T21:46:37.361-08:00I would not blame you at all for severely limiting...I would not blame you at all for severely limiting contact with them. My 2 year old is not even special needs and I make sure she keeps a strict bed time because I hate paying the next day when monster kid comes out, I can only imagine it is a billion times worse for you. You need to concentrate on your immediate family. They are the ones that are looking to you to keep things together and running smoothly. Your extended family are all adults (on paper) and should not be so needy of your time or energy.Awesome Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03523320907836876707noreply@blogger.com